I love it when I hear a "news" story that doesn't surprise me at all...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32883786/ns/health-mental_health/
So, to recap here ... 19 to 25 year-olds think about suicide than any other age group.
Am I the only pop-head who can't figure out why this would surprise anybody?
First, let's consider why these whipper-snappers possibly think that life isn't worth living:
1) Schools do nothing to prepare them for a world that doesn't revolve around them,
2) Most parents keep perpetuating the lie that it does, even into their children's college years, and
3) These kids' realities aren't as exciting as what they see on "reality" shows or in video games.
Basically, we're raising bubble kids - kids who are living inside a massive, technologically enhanced lie. They're being taught that nothing is more important than their own individual "happy meters" - so, if they're not living the Hannah Montana Disney dream 24/7, there's something wrong. If they can dazzle the world as guitar heroes but still fail to succeed in real life, there's something wrong. If they can't have immediate, self-glorifying gratification in all things - "I need to make a phone call RIGHT NOW AND THEN I NEED TWITTER THE WORLD THAT I JUST ATE MY BREAKFAST" - whoa, there's something wrong. And boy, if they're not thin, clever and rich, there's definitely something wrong.
Now, let me just stop here and say that I have friends who are terrific parents and have managed - in spite of society's best efforts to screw it all up - to raise great, grounded kids. They know that being happy and beautiful and wealthy isn't why we're here. Many of them are serving their country in the military or in college seeking to find their critical missions in life. They are - in the midst of this hideous economy - finding inner strengths they hadn't known existed. They're out there.
Are they the minority?
I hope not. But I fear they are.
I think that the first thing over-thirties need to do to help the under-thirties is accept that we have, to our own degree, been sucked into the same brainwashing. How many over-thirties have, while pursuing that happiness our founding fathers encouraged us to seek, instead turned to some type of legal anesthesia (pills, booze, smokes, gambling, food, pick your fave) because dammit, WHERE IS IT? I'm supposed to find happiness! If I'm not happy, something's wrong! I'm depressed - cure it! Give me another pill! Honey, you're making me miserable - I want a divorce! I need to be happy! Screw the kids! Screw you! I'M GOING TO DIE SOON AND I MUST BE HAPPY!
During this past week - while I've been "furloughed" from my job (the fancy shmancy government term for "temporarily laid off") - I've been unhappy. I made a decision, over a year ago, to move back to Ohio so that I could better care for my family. I have two elderly parents - each with their own separate hell-on-earth issues - and an older brother who's slowly (let me emphasize "slowly" and add "painfully") dying from alcoholism. I spent much of my summer watching the clocks on the walls of the emergency rooms in two different hospitals. And, because I took a reduction in pay to take the job I currently have, I am now working two jobs which has me working seven days a week. I am blessed that I love one of them, and am not repulsed by the other. I am even more blessed that I even have ONE job. But am I happy? No - I'm exhausted and I'm broke and torture myself with my memories of Chicago and wanting desperately to move back and just live for me again. I have other torture tools as well - the memories of dead relationships, the fear that I'm more than halfway through life and haven't yet accomplished so many things I hoped to do. I could go on. I can always find more.
So can you, when you look at your own life.
No, I'm not happy. And I'm not going to take a pill that fools me into thinking I am. But I'm starting to accept that it's okay to not BE happy, because I think - right now - I'm pursuing something a lot better than happiness. Maybe it's my own salvation? Perhaps, but I know when I see it on my Mom or Dad's face that it's a worthwhile pursuit.
Besides, in 350 B.C., Chuang-Tzu said, "Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness."
I'm still learning to master this concept. Perhaps, if more of us could pursue THAT, we could convince our children that they, too, could give up the pursuit of happiness and pursue something more worthwhile than their own self-destruction.
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There's a lot that can be said for happiness and the pursuit of it, so much that it starts going pretty deep into philosophy. Happiness is one of those weird things that's definitely not 'one size fits all.' A poor man can be happy and a rich man can be absolutely miserable, and vice versa. Happiness definitely isn't entirely based on money, health, success, fame, so where does it come from? Why can one person be completely miserable with a great job with great pay, a spectacular spouse and kids, and no money worries, while a person in another country with barely any food who is caring for sick parents is quite content?
ReplyDeleteI think it's how you look at your situation. Sure, you may be 'trapped' in another town, away from the city you love, caring for ill family members, but if you look at it from the perspective of, "this is my family, I may miss my past life but this is what is most important," it may bring a bit of contentedness that you didn't see before.
And on the subject of kids with dreams that are too big - I admit, I was/am a victim of this. I'm 24, and was constantly boosted by teachers and guidance counselors saying, "you can do ANYTHING! You can be anything you want! Go to whatever college you want and don't worry about what it costs, because it's worth it to get a great education so you can have the career you love."
Sadly, things like college costs do matter. They matter a lot. Now I'm struggling to pay off $100,000 in student loans, living at home with no job, with a degree in a field that has very few jobs. Realistically, it would have made more sense for me to put off college. You can't listen to those who have good intentions, but don't understand the reality of this world. Sometimes, a kid just needs to be told, "sometimes if you don't have the money, it doesn't matter how smart you are - some opportunities just aren't going to be there."
This isn't to say you shouldn't encourage them to go for scholarships, public service, opportunities that will allow them to get an education for less, but never tell a kid he won't fail, because if he does, he's going to be shattered.
All in all, we've turned into a nation of 'everybody wins,' and when some kids lose, they don't know how to handle it.
"All in all, we've turned into a nation of 'everybody wins,' and when some kids lose, they don't know how to handle it."
ReplyDeleteBrilliantly said.
Also, let's not overlook the greatest blessing there is to be found in losing - it makes the victory all the sweeter. Without failure, we'd never appreciate real success.
And you WILL succeed. You're young and you have your whole life in front of you..so many wonderful possibilities await you.
You know, I'm not a big fan of TV evangelism, but once in a while - while I'm channel surfing - I stop and listen if it's a sermon that seems to have a message for me. Yesterday I stumbled across Joel Osteen talking about David and Goliath - an old Bible story that reminded me of a kid's television show I watched many - MANY - years ago. Anyway, it never occurred to me that this parable was really a lesson about struggle, and that "Goliath" was really the seemingly insurmountable challenges we all face. Yours are your student loans and your current job situation. Mine are my family obligations (among other things). The sermon reminded me that we all have it within ourselves to triumph over the enemy as long as we don't lose faith and keep a positive spirit.
I wish you all the best in "slaying" your Goliath. You will do it.
Brenda