Queasy Rider?

Have y'all seen this one?

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0331091stool1.html

If you haven't, put down your coffee, click on the link, and take a look. The photo alone is priceless.

So ...this guy in Ohio gets arrested for driving drunk on a bar stool ...but I think people are really missing the point here. No, it's never good to ride drunk on anything. I had an ex-boyfriend who used to suck down a couple of beers (okay, 17 or 18 - for him, that was "a couple") and then ride his bicycle to the 7-Eleven to buy more. I was never so proud as when I would see him weaving his way back down the street, steering with one hand and toting a case of Bud with the other.

My point here is that it's never good to do anything like this, because drunks are delusional. Stan (not his real name, but it'll do), was NEVER drunk. Never. In his view, he wasn't drunk because he wasn't falling down. He was merely "buzzed", and "buzzed" was a good thing. It was the desired state. He used to get mad at me because I didn't live my life in a constant state of buzzitude. I tended to be a special occasion sort of drinker - you know, the sort who generally only drank when I didn't plan on driving a car home that night or to work the next day. This didn't make me any better than Stan (after all, wasn't I choosing to call this person my boyfriend?), but it did prove that my healthy respect for personal injury and courthouses was still intact.

But I digress.

When I saw this photo of this lunkhead, my first thought wasn't, "What a moron." That was my SECOND thought. My first thought was, "Wow, isn't he inventive?" I mean, I've known plenty of drunks. I lived in Florida. I've been to Daytona. And at least half of them were always swilling down cases of the juice while tying up their car mufflers or installing bigger tires on their trucks. One must applaud their ability to multi-task, but not one of them could have turned a bar stool and a lawnmower into a vehicle capable of going 40 mph down the street.

While I was living in Florida, I dated Stan for a year. He had this truck sitting in his backyard that never went ANYWHERE. It was capable of going ZERO mph because the thing was never in one piece. I think there was a colony of rats living underneath it ... heck, for all I know, there was a secret doorway to a lost city hidden beneath the chassis. A lost city with Gold. Money. More beer!

So let me be one of the few to stand up and applaud Kile Wygle, The Smoking Gun's "fool on a stool." He dared to be different than those run-of-the-mill, redneck drunks tinkering with their Hot Wheels. He invented something new. He made it work. And he stayed drunk doing it.

How American can you get?