Popping Out

Here are Friday ramblings about some of the crap ... er, I mean, mentally stimulating headlines ... that hijacked my TV this week.



1) Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize.



Because I am still on furlough, I have plenty of time to now catch up on my daytime television, and that includes seeing President Obama speak yet again because - God knows - we just never get to see him anymore. Now, I am an Obama supporter. Still am. But when I heard he won this thing, my first reaction was, "Oh jeez, more ObamaTV." Now, in five minutes, he's going to speak to us about how humbled he is by the committee's decision. And then, tonight on all my news channels, we'll get to listen to everybody telling us what he said and it what it meant because we're too stupid to figure it out for ourselves, apparently.



My thoughts on why he won? When he hasn't yet, well, really done anything? Easy. No, it's not because he's black and managed to get elected (although I sure wish I had a dollar for every conservative who's already suggested it.) And it's not because he deserved to win on his achievements, even though I do feel he has what it takes to achieve great things. I feel he won because the international community wanted to kick our unbeloved former President Bush in the crotch one last time, and Obama's historical presence gave them the perfect opportunity.



2) David Letterman Can't Keep It In His Pants.



Blackmail/extortion is a crime, and I'm not blaming Letterman from going to the police. I'm also not annoyed with his sleeping around on his wife. Should he have done it? Of course not. But, like many self-absorbed celebrities, self-gratification is a big deal for him and adultery was seemingly his drug of choice. I'm sorry for his wife, but she's not the first to have a cheating husband, and that's an issue for them to resolve. And, as for the big "workplace harassment" issue that's automatically raised when a consenting boss has sexual relations with a consenting employee - ladies, give it a rest. If she consented to it (and apparently none of these women are indicating they were pressured to screw him), then there's no "harassment." I have yet to hear one argument that can convince me. The most popular line of reasoning I've heard up 'til now is, "Well, if he's sleeping with one employee, why wouldn't another woman working for him deem that she's been treated unfairly because she isn't?" I don't buy it. First, employees are treated unfairly by their employers for a VARIETY of reasons. Are we going to start demanding that male employers only hire homely females so that there can be no perceived favoritism toward an underling who's wearing D-cups? Second - here's a newsflash - LIFE IS UNFAIR. The most any of us can hope for is that, occasionally, it be unfair in our favor.

But I DO blame Letterman for bringing this crap - and continuing to bring this crap - onto his show. During the Clinton impeachment hearings, I was one of those liberals who insisted that what happened outside of Clinton's job was none of my business. So, by by bringing it to work, Letterman made it (and continues to make it) everyone's business, and he needs to knock it off. He's paid to entertain us, and none of this garbage is entertaining, Dave.

3) Jon and Kate are Splitting, and Jon is a Big Fat Jerk.

Let's see ... how do I put this?

I have no clue who these people are.

There - I said it. Anybody else have the courage to admit it? Yeah, yeah, I know they were on some reality show and they're dysfunctional people with kids. That's about the extent of what I've picked up from Google and Larry King. Otherwise, seriously, I have no clue who they are. These are two huge nobodies who are, for some reason, all over my TV and I really resent their presence because they're not relevant to this planet in ANY way. How do we make them go away?

4) We blew a Hole Into The Moon Today.

I know this has something to do with finding water. I know there's a reason that I should care. But did we all really need another ho-hum space mission? Look, I was just a little child when a human first walked on the move, but THAT was a big deal. There was a time when Space was Exciting. We even got some pretty good TV shows and movies out of all that excitement. But lately, what has NASA done? I mean, when I lived in Orlando, I never went to one rocket launch because it was always some mission that was all about replacing a spark plug on the International Space Station, or something equally enthralling. "Today, boys and girls, we're sending people into space to blow up an old piece-of-junk satellite that stopped working." Oh boy - cool beans, Captain Kirk! Yawn. Even Mr. Spock would have died from boredom.

Now, maybe if we could blow a hole in the moon with a rocket carrying Jon, Kate (and her new lover, David Letterman), that would be newsworthy. And I think the person lighting the match under any rocket sending ANY of these bozos into outer space would be well-deserving of a Nobel Peace Prize.

Hooray for Chicago!

They didn't get the Olympics!



Which is MUCH better than their having gotten it.



Yes, I know that Mr. and Mrs. Obama - as well as Ms. Winfrey - wouldn't agree. And let me just emphasize that I still think Chicago is the greatest city on earth. I always try to go back to visit at least once a year so I don't kill myself (last week's pilgrimage was, of course, delightful).



And I really need to emphasize that Chicago - wonderful, glorious heaven that it is - should be thrilled to death they didn't get The Big Show.



Here's why -



1) Millennium Park. This should pretty much say it all - this thing was dreamed up in 1997 (when I first moved there) and, when I moved away in 2005, it still wasn't done. It is finished now and is heralded as a great architectural achievement. Me, I think it looks like a giant cosmic cat was scampering through outer space, accidentally swallowed the Space Station, and then hacked up a giant metallic hairball onto the western shore of Lake Michigan. Then the people who lived there figured they might as well plant some trees and put in an amphitheater. Millennium Park is at the top of my "Favorite Things To Miss If You're Visiting Chicago and Running Out of Time" list. But the central point here is that it shouldn't have taken years and years to create this thing...but if Texas is the state where everything is bigger, than Chicago is the City Where Everything Takes Longer. If they HAD won the Olympics, nothing would have been finished by 2016, trust me.



2) I didn't talk to one person living there who thought it was a good idea to have it. Now, as Jay Leno (I believe) once said, "While New York is the city that never sleeps, Chicago is the city that never shuts up." Trust me, EVERYBODY in this town has an opinion, and the opposition to having the Olympics was far, wide, and loud. For one thing, why spend good money on this? Chicago already has a diverse, international community, so bringing in another diverse, international community really wasn't a big selling point. Chicago is already overrun with tourists (and residents) who don't speak English, and everybody who does speak it doesn't want to lose the tiny advantage they already have. And the El is already too crowded. Seriously - I think most of the people there saw the Olympics as being one huge, unnecessary pain-in-the-ass, and they're right. Chicagoans may be vocal, but they're also sensible.



3) Chicago is already a top tourist destination. It has some of the best shopping, restaurants and museums in the world. And the World knows this. Chicago doesn't need the Olympics to bring up its self-esteem, because it already knows how fantastic it is. A city like Cleveland or Detroit, on the other hand, could use the business and the hoopla. There are plenty of towns that could use an international pat-on-the-back, the building of an Olympic village, and an influx of business. Yes, Chicago has been impacted by the recession, no doubt. But I was thrilled to see that in my old neighborhood, rents have gone up, not down. Property values in some areas of the city continue to rise. So, relatively speaking, Chicago is probably hanging in there better than most and doesn't need the world's mercy.



4) We've had plenty of cities in the U.S. who have hosted these games: LA, Atlanta, and Salt Lake City, just to name a few. But heck, I had no idea South America - and entire CONTINENT - had never hosted the games. About damn time they did. And I'm glad they will!



And Chicago? Don't feel sorry for them. They would just laugh and laugh if you did.