What Have Those Rotten Kids Done To My Candy?

Seriously, man .... I'm ready to pop.



When I was a kid, and went out trick-or-treating on Halloween (which was quite dangerous, given that dinosaurs were then roaming the neighborhood), my all-time favorite candy in the entire candy universe was "Smarties", those little cellophane rolls of colored, tart-ilicious sin. There wasn't a candy bar in my plastic, smiley-faced pumpkin that could stand up to the sugar highs I got from ingesting the best legal kiddie drug on the streets. Even now, as an adult, I get all nostalgic when I see bags of those cheerful candy rolls on the shelves of the Giant Eagle. And then I get shaky. And then I flash back to those inevitable sugar withdrawals that would surely set in by Thanksgiving.



Ah, that was a simpler time ... before the maker of the candy came up with tropical flavors, mammoth-sized wafers and "extreme" sour varieties that blistered my tongue when I stupidly tried one. A simpler time, before school kids decided to take my favorite little snack in the world and ruin it.



According to an article that ran in last week's Wall Street Journal, the latest craze among school-kids is "smoking" Smarties. Seriously ... kids apparently take out a roll, smash the dickens out of it, pulverize it into a fine powder, put the whole thing into their mouths (cellophane included) and then blow the sugar "smoke" out through their noses. It makes it appear that they are exhaling without the benefit of a having to buy cigarettes.



My very first thought - when I read the first paragraph or two of this news story - was that there must be SOME kind of high the kids were getting from inhaling vs. swallowing it. Was the sugar absorbed more quickly through the inner membranes of the nasal cavity? Did the dust somehow get sucked up into the skull, causing possible brain damage (which always renders any given drug that much more attractive to the apprentice junkie)?



There had to be SOME benefit to this bizarre practice other than, "hey, don't I look cool?



Nope ... not one ...unless you count pissing off parents and school administrators. But there's no buzz at all. No hallucinations. No bursts of creative genius. Not even delusions of grandeur. Nuttin'.



Even the possible side-effects aren't all that enticing. No, no brain damage. But you might get one stuck up your nose, where it will slowly have to melt before you use that particular canal to breath. There is some risk of choking to death on the wrapper. Or, even better, doctors have warned that the presence of sugar in the nasal cavity can attract maggots.



***

And while on the subject of sinuses ...



If you do get a Smartie stuck up your nose, may I recommend NeilMed Sinus Rinse? My sister (the Consumer Queen) turned me onto this stuff, and it's really fantastic. If you're anything like me, and perpetually snotting and sneezing (or chain-smoking powdered candy and fearful of hatching flies), it's a really refreshing way to flush out your sinuses so you don't have to go through life breathing through your mouth and being labeled a geek.



Because it's not about comfort, it's about looking cool.



http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123750945477390601.html



http://www.neilmed.com/